“Life on a Leash” by Ashu M. G. Solo

Monarchists are like a pack of rabid lapdogs,

But monarchists don’t need to go to obedience schools

To become obedient fools

And monarchists want to be on leashes

Whereas dogs want to be unleashed;

Dogs have more dignity,

But the majority of Canadians want to be subjects of so-called royalty.


To prevent monarchists from infecting the whole country

With their kooky disease of servility,

An entrepreneur should offer them services to fulfill their proclivities for helotry:

They can be lead around on leashes like dogs;

They can be taken to Harry’s and Meghan’s mansion to lick their faces like dogs;

They can even be taken to Buckingham Palace to lick some royals’ shoes like dogs;

Ask your monarchist buddies how much they would pay to act like lapdogs.


It’s less hygienic to lick the shoes of royals

Than it is to be subservient to royals,

But it’s not less dignified;

Monarchists are bootlickers and lickspittles;

They need to learn honor, self-worth, and dignity

To treat their disease of servility

And gain dignity in society.

Solo is a University of Waterloo Engineering alumnus.